happy...

We are happy. We just are. I am happy shopping for food, watching movies all day, and attempting, every once in a while, to make a meal for my poor, sweet husband :/ 
He told me tonight (as he ate my burnt pancakes) that my pancakes were his favorite.  He was totally honest when he said it too! What an incredible man I married...
Michael is happy too. Almost everyday he exclaims that he "loves law school!" How great is that?! 
I love law school too because it makes him happy;) 

Public Speaking

We are asked to do things by Heavenly Father that are hard for us for OUR benefit. I strongly believe this, in fact.  Today I was faced with such a task.  He asked me to speak about my experience with the miscarriage in church.  I am not a vocal person, I don't often express verbally how I'm feeling or what I'm going through.  I feel as though this was a shove to do it and to do it in front of my ward family at church.  On top of public speaking (which is way out of my comfort zone in the first place) He asked me to go even further outside of my comfort zone by sharing my life.  And guess what?

I am so happy that I did it. I am happy that I was able to get through it without just standing up there sobbing, unable to speak. I am grateful for the Spirit, who is testifying to my spirit that the words I spoke were right and good.  If no one in my ward family benefited from this, at least one daughter of our Heavenly Father did and that daughter was me.  

Another time

Sometimes I want to write deep, spiritual, eloquent, really beautiful blog entries...I tried...and then deleted all of them. So here it is. 

We will no longer be parents in December.  We are sad about it, of course. But we are oh so happy for so many other reasons right now! Here they are...

1. We have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We know who we are, we know God's plan and we have great faith in everything being made right!

2.  The comfort of the Spirit.

3. We are even MORE in love with each other ;)

4.  We have the support and love of our incredible families.

5. We have the ability to be GRATEFUL and we use it!!!

6.  We have a grand eternal perspective. 

7.  We live in San Diego. 

8.  We know this is where we need to be!

9. We live a mile away from the beach!!!!

10.  Starry night is hanging in our living room now;)

11. Flowers are on our table from those who love us.

12.  We have awesome furniture that we did not pay for:) (thank you Mama, Stephanie, and Grandma Flo;) 

13. We have frozen grapes...our new favorite thing!

In short we are so blessed! We know that everything will work out the way that Heavenly Father plans for it to.  We are so happy and so grateful to know that He is guiding our lives here on earth:) 

Not yet...

Father in Heaven has a plan for us.  He is in control.  The night that I learned that we would no longer be parents in December was one of the worst moments I have yet experienced in this mortal life.  It was also one of the sweetest.  Minutes after discovering this truth that would again change our lives forever, my incredible husband prayed with me to our Father in Heaven thanking Him for the knowledge we have of the Gospel, of His plan and purpose for us in this life. If that is not faith I do not know what is.  Michael is so much stronger than I am.  Of course I have faith, I know Heavenly Father loves us.  But I was slow to let it in...
 As Michael bore his amazing testimony to me a small, natural-man part of me wanted to be bitter and angry and to just sink into the depths of despair (as Anne of Green Gables would put it).  He would not let me though and for that I am eternally grateful.
I know that Heavenly Father lives.  He loves us.  He sent His Son and watched Him suffer so that we could return and live with Him someday.  I feel my Savior's love.  I feel the comfort of the Spirit.  I am grateful for an eternal perspective especially at this time. I am grateful for this trial. I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes all of the wrongs in this life right.